The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Holiday Emotional Wellness
The holidays can be particularly overwhelming for HSPs for a myriad of reasons. As HSPs are wired to process sensory and emotional input deeply, this makes holiday experiences—both external (lights, crowds, loud music) and internal (memories, expectations)—particularly potent.
As a therapist who identifies as highly sensitive and helps HSPs better navigate their emotional experience, I know the unique challenges that the holiday season brings. This year, I’m noticing myself more sensitive to it getting darker earlier and feeling like the whirlwind of the holiday season is propelling us too fast into a new year. What will be there waiting to meet us?
Around the holidays, remembering, reminiscing and grieving permeate the experience of HSPs. There may be a longing to go back in time in one way, to go forward in another. We linger on what was different about ourselves and the people around us in years past, astonished by the changes and the sameness alike.
We look through memories, remembering loved ones who have passed away and will not be at our holiday table this year, or perhaps never were in this life. We muse on how relationships may have changed, how our lives have diverged and branched off in ways we expected and didn’t expect. We may experience feelings towards the versions of ourselves from the year prior: envy, shame, compassion, sadness, irritation, etc.
These emotions, hitting us so strongly this time of year, are enough to knock the breath out of anyone. It can feel beautiful and magical, but it can be equally overwhelming and stifling for a more sensitive nervous system. You are not alone in your attunement to the beauty and the aches this season.
Tending to Your Experience Using Parts Work
For HSPs, our biggest challenge is usually overwhelm, which is why I think parts work can be such a helpful and clarifying way of engaging with our experience. Here are some helpful ways you can tend to your inner world using parts work that pulls from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.
As I named above, there are a number of experiences specifically tied to the holidays that present as challenging for HSps. Common challenges during the holiday season include:
Grief and nostalgia: The holidays can evoke memories of loved ones lost or times and/ or relationships that felt simpler, easier.
Overwhelm: Crowded events, packed schedules, and high expectations can drain energy quickly.
Family dynamics: Interactions with family members may trigger old wounds or feelings of obligation and bring up grief around loss
The passage of time: Holidays mark transitions, bringing up bittersweet reflections on aging, milestones, and/or unmet goals.
Through the lens of IFS, our mind is composed of various “parts,” each with its own perspective, feelings, and needs. For example, you might notice a nostalgic part, an overwhelmed part, or even a perfectionist part striving to create the "perfect" holiday. Can you gently invite these parts to express their needs and intentions for you? Here’s how you can use IFS to work with these parts:
1. Pause and Identify Your Parts
When emotions feel overwhelming, take a moment to pause. Gently ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Is there a part of me that feels especially activated?
For example, you might notice:
A grieving part missing a loved one who has passed away or is no longer in your life.
A part feeling pressured to make everyone happy or meet certain expectations.
A nostalgic part yearning for past traditions or a dynamic within your family from a less strained time.
2. Approach Your Parts with Curiosity
You may notice judgement or frustration show up as you sit intentionally with your parts. That’s ok; perhaps the judgement and frustration are trying to communicate something to you. If you notice any resistance to feeling curiosity or compassion, ask these parts to share their concerns, validate those concerns, and see if it might be possible for those parts to give you just a little bit of space. Here’s an example:
You initially notice a grieving part is showing up strongly, but feeling curious towards it doesn’t feel possible with the irritation creeping in. Ask that irritation to share its concerns,
“What are you worried will happen if I sit with this grief?”
“Grief has kept you from being happy and enjoying the holidays; I am sick of feeling sad.”
“I understand; you are trying to help me feel better by showing up. That makes sense, and I appreciate you trying to help me. Can you give me a little space, just for now, so that I can work towards understanding this grief, and perhaps pave a way towards experiencing more joy?”
If that irritation is willing to step back, thank it for being willing to do so. Imagine it is sitting just outside your door, or even looking in through the window; this helps build trust with parts and avoid the sense that you are “getting rid of them.”
You may need to go through this mental process a few times should other parts show up around the grief. Once you notice a sense of curiosity, see if you can turn towards it. I love the phrase, “turning towards," in IFS, because it incorporates a felt sense of shifting. Whether you are literally shifting your body, or turning towards a part within your mind’s eye, the goal here is to communicate: “I see you, and I want to understand.” This compassionate stance helps create space between your Self (your core, calm presence) and your parts.
3. Listen to What Your Parts Need
Each part has a need it’s trying to meet, even if its methods feel unhelpful, or, in the above example, irritating. Allow the part you are sitting with the express its intentions for you, and what unmet needs may be present that are causing this part to be showing up more strongly/more activated. For example:
The grieving part may need permission to honor your loss through quiet reflection or an honoring ritual.
The overwhelmed part might ask for boundaries around social commitments, time with family, or even more gentle stimulation in your environment.
The nostalgic part may simply need acknowledgment of its longing, or to be expressed in some artistic way through creative journaling or art.
By listening with compassion and empathy for that part’s intent, you can begin to partner with that part, and meet these needs in healthier ways so you don’t feel overwhelmed by your parts. A great analogy for this is thinking about how you, as your calm and adult-self can drive the car, seeking guidance and direction from your parts in the backseat, rather than battling for the wheel with them and crashing (i.e. burning out, snapping at loved ones, increased depression and anxiety, etc.)
4. Practice Compassionate Self-Leadership
When you are able to access that calm, compassionate Adult-Self energy, you are the leader of your internal system, with opportunities to re-parent and show more vulnerable and fearful parts that you can make choices from a place of clarity rather than fear, and that these younger parts don’t have to work so hard to keep you safe anymore. Reassure your parts that they are safe, and take steps to care for them.
Here are a few ways to compassionately lead your system and tend to the needs of your parts:
Create intentional time for grief by integrating rituals that honor your loved one (e.g. lighting a candle for someone you miss, cooking foods they may have loved making).
Grieving alongside others can also be powerful and transformative; consider attending a grief support group.
Reduce overstimulation by planning quiet moments between gatherings; be mindful of scheduling and engage in bookend re-charging (carve out time to rest before and after social events).
Celebrate nostalgia by revisiting traditions or creating new ones that feel meaningful to you.
Practical Tips for HSPs to Thrive During the Holidays
Set Boundaries Early: Decide in advance which gatherings or obligations align with your energy and values. Consider which activities re-fuel and which tend to drain your energy and schedule extra down-time as needed.
Be Mindful of Stimulation: Intentionally consider how you can help reduce overstimulation, from what activities you say yes to, to assessing your energy when committing to certain plans. Actively reduce stimulation during times of rest (e.g. be mindful of screen-time, set up your space at home to be gentle on your senses); engage in grounding exercises during high-stimulation events as needed.
Embrace Rest: Resting does not mean you are lazy! Re-charge and listen to your body’s needs.
Honor Your Emotions: Let yourself feel the bittersweetness of the holidays without judgment. Journaling, individual and therapy, or creative outlets can help you meaningfully process.
Recommended Reading for HSPs:
The Wisdom of Anxiety By Sheryl Paul, LMFT
Emotional Agility By Dr. Susan David
How Therapy Can Support HSPs This Season
If you’re finding it hard to navigate holiday emotions on your own, therapy can provide a supportive space to explore your feelings and develop tools for self-care. I specialize in trauma therapy, support for anxious high-achievers, and therapy for HSPs and empaths at my Sacramento-based practice, and offer virtual sessions throughout California. Together, we can work to help you feel more connected to yourself, attune to your inner world, and build emotional resiliency so you can move through the holidays with more ease.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a calmer, more connected holiday season.